Intimacy with God: #1 Qualification for Marriage
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.
22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
One key thing that every man must have is the ability to hear the voice of God. Intimacy with God is non-negotiable for a married man. For any young man reading this, before you marry or start talking about building your bank account and doing some other things, the first thing you should work on is to heighten and strengthen your intimacy with God such that you can hear Him.
That is the number one criterion for a man because a man is the glory of God and his wife is his glory. The man must download God into his family, download God to the earth, and must be able to bring his wife into something that God is doing with him. That is what makes marriage right, that is what makes marriage exciting, and that is what makes marriage to be heaven on earth and not any other thing. The first thing as a man is not that you have a house, have a car, or be able to do one thing or the other. The first thing about a man that wants to marry, who will be the head of a home for God is no other thing but to be able to discern the voice of God. Jesus said, ‘My sheep hear my voice…’ (John 10:27), and you must do everything you need to do to have that ability as a man.
There is nothing that will strengthen faith in the heart of your son more than when you tell him, “Son, God spoke to me about this and this.” It is more powerful than seating the boy down and giving him Bible Study. The fact that your son knows that “My Daddy hears God” is more than enough, more than going to boast in school than “My Daddy is the governor of the state” or “My Daddy is the President of America”. Your son can boast because he knows that you hear God and you are always correct and accurate; he knows you are not a confused person. There is an assurance in such a child that “God is in our house. No matter what the trouble is, we will come out victorious.”
That is how it is supposed to be. However, when a father can’t hear God, it is a great disaster. Some men deceive themselves and say their wives are the intercessors for the family. Such men have failed in their duties as the priests and the prophets of their homes. A married man must be in such a state that the voice of the Lord is clear to him over issues.
There are clearly defined guidelines that singles can follow to get the God-ordained spouse for them. It is important for a young man and woman to know that s/he needs to be accurate in making a marital choice. You can’t just marry anybody but the right person that God has ordained for you. It is God that knows you so well and He knows the right person that He has prepared for you. How then will you get a God-ordained spouse and not your own self-chosen one that may or may not turn out right? Let’s consider the following points:
•Be born again. This is the first step into the programme of God for you.
•Commit yourself to the plan of God for your life. Getting a God-ordained husband or wife is not by looking out for one. It is about allowing the workings of God in you as a person. Commit to God’s plan for you and start working it out. Marriage is not a separate thing; it is the continuation of the programme of God in a man’s life. As you are continuing in God’s programme for your life, a time will come when you can’t continue alone, so God brings somebody to join you or God brings you to join someone.
• You will get a God-ordained husband from active Kingdom service in church! If you are still within the normal age bracket and you do not have any strange issue, the best place to get a spouse is in active service of God in church. Even when you meet in church, it is important for you to observe and watch the person very well. Don’t let anybody tell you “I’m a Christian,” watch his or her life to see things yourself. See Christ in him or her before you make any commitment.
There could be people that need additional intervention of the pastor. For example, people whose case is like that of Ruth, young widows, young divorcees, single mothers, or people that are advanced in age. Such situations need the involvement of the pastor to help the people because their lives have left the general zone where people should readily get a husband or a wife.
•Discern the will of God in marriage. It is very important that you get it right and find out God’s will when it comes to making a marital choice. However, it is faulty to want to hear God’s voice just because you want to know who to marry; things will become lopsided and upside down in that manner. If you have built a solid relationship with God such that you can identify His leading different from your fleshy communication, when the time comes you will just know who His ordained spouse for you is. God will not change His pattern of communication with you because it is time to make a marital choice. There is a normal way God speaks to every Christian and every child of His. God knows those who are His own, He speaks to them, and they recognize His voice.
•No Sister to Brother Proposal. It is very wrong for a lady to go and propose marriage to a man. Why should you miss the honour of being proposed to?
•Don’t Choose from Your Past Relationships. No matter what your case is, you will get married as long as you are right with God and you are under an anointed pastoral cover. You can never be stranded! So don’t be desperate and don’t agitate because that’s where people start missing it and it’s because they don’t know the God of their future. There are more people in your future than the people you have met in your past. I found out that most times when people go back to their past and pick a relationship, that relationship takes them backwards in their destinies. God doesn’t lead you to your past. He leads you to your future that is glorious where greater glory is waiting for you.
•Don’t Be Led By Sexual Attractions. Don’t let sexual attraction be what is pulling you. Seducing spirits are at work when sexual urges come on you strongly in the direction of the opposite sex and you need to see your pastor to help you. There’s a spirit in man, the inspiration of the Almighty gives them understanding (Job 32:8). When you see the person that you are going to marry, there will be a move of God in your heart. It will be a heart thing, not a sex thing. Never start a relationship on a sexual basis, it will not last even if you eventually get married, the two of you will never be faithful to each other. Couples that marry based on sex usually end up committing adultery or falling for internet pornography or going for another naked body somewhere. However, when it is a heart thing, then you can build a relationship together and open up to each other and talk about different issues.
How to Go About a Marriage Proposal
The moment you have that perception, call your pastor and inform him. Let him pray for you immediately because it’s the hand of God that is doing valiantly. Then go and make your proposal and bring that courtship under the anointing.
For ladies, when you receive a proposal (even if no man has ever proposed to you before), just receive the proposal, don’t be too excited and don’t be too suspicious; listen to the proposal very well. Don’t mistake what is not a proposal for a proposal.
After you have found your God-designed husband and wife, it does not mean that you have just become the perfect person for each other. There is something required for you to do as a man, and there is something required for you to do as a woman so that your marriage would be as God intends it. If both the man and the woman do what they ought to do in obedience, the devil is in trouble because they will form such a bundle of force for God on the earth and their home would become a citadel of God’s glory. It will be an arena of divine doings that God can use to help a lot of people in any field that they find themselves.