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THE COMPONENTS OF A HEALTHY MARRIAGE (PART 1)

There is something about health. Some people, out of frustration of ill-health, have prayed for death.

When you are not healthy, you don’t want to live. Nothing makes life exciting when there is no health.

The same thing goes for marriage, marriages can go sour and be sick.

The union between a man and a woman, no matter how well they started, can go bad if the principles of sound health in marriage are not highly maintained.

Just like the physical body, that you are healthy may not be automatic if you keep doing something that will jeopardize your health.

Four Components of a healthy marriage:

  1. Values
  2. Choices
  3. Growth
  4. Directions

Let me make this statement, it is very true: A HEALTHY MARRIAGE IS A HEALTHY LIFE.

If you are married and your marriage is not healthy and sound, even if you are sound and you are not sick, there will be a dimension of ailment in your soul and your composite life will not be okay.

When you see couples who are not staying together, not because they are divorced but because of a job and they only see each other once a month or once in three months, there is something wrong about that relationship.

If you are married and you are okay when you are not with your spouse, it is a sign of sickness. If you see couples like that, the health level is not at par because you can’t beat the Ancient of Days who said it is not good for a man to be alone.

A healthy marriage is a healthy destiny. If your marriage is not healthy, your destiny journey will have a k-leg.

Whatever you do, don’t just marry, seek to have a healthy marriage.

Don’t manage, don’t bear with sickness in marriage. Don’t continue bearing it when things are not the way they are supposed to be, there is a balm in Gilead. Things can change, things can be mended. Healings can occur, you don’t have to continue bearing it.

If you observe the way some women talk about their husbands and say things like, “That man, that is how he is. He has been like that for the past 18 years, he can’t change …,” this will show you that there is sickness in that relationship already.

No matter how little, do something for the sake of your marriage. Keep doing things that will make things get better.

Doctors spend their lives studying symptoms. Poverty has symptoms – lack, want and insufficiency. Everything has symptoms and you can know a marriage that is sick by the symptoms being displayed.

SYMPTOMS OF A SICK MARRIAGE

1. When you don’t want to be with him or her – When your words are constantly along the lines of “leave me alone, I want some peace.” When consciously or unconsciously, the body of your spouse begins to irritate you. It is a major symptom of a sick marriage. Something is wrong and your marriage needs attention.

When a man does not enjoy being seen with his wife, when the woman is not enjoying being seen with the husband, something is wrong. If you were not proud of him/her, why did you marry?

And if you were proud of him/her at first but along the line, something happened and you are no longer proud, something should be done.

It is the duty of everyone to contribute what they need to contribute to their spouses so that they can be proud of them anywhere.

2. When every conversation results in a quarrel – There are some homes where there is peace in the atmosphere only when there is no discussion. Marriage is not meant to be patched up, it is meant to be enjoyed. It is life. If you are planning to live long, you will live most of your life as a married person.

We will be taking a look at some scriptures from the Book of Songs of Solomon. For the next 30 days, I want to recommend the Book of Songs of Solomon to couples to read. It is a picture of Jesus and His bride, the church. However, it is first a picture of a love life – a couple, husband and wife, not a fiancé and his fiancée, not a young man and a young lady.

Before you got married, you were alone, but at one point, you really wanted to marry on time. At what point did you start losing that flare, that passion, that love for the other person?

Every problem has a starting point and if it has a starting point, it will have an ending point.

So, at what point did somebody you always wanted to see become somebody you no longer want to see?

At what point did you prefer reading the newspaper over listening to your wife talk? You need to trace it and get rid of it.

At what point did the other person become overbearing? You need to trace it and deal with it

Songs of Solomon 2:12-13 (KJV)
12 The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;

13 The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.

3. When you don’t feel like calling your spouse the pet name you used to call him/her before.

Songs of Solomon 2:14 (KJV)
14 O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely.

Songs of Solomon 3:1 (KJV)
1 By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.

You could see the love and the drive.

Songs of Solomon 4:9-10 (KJV)
9 Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck.

10 How fair is thy love, my sister, my spouse! how much better is thy love than wine! and the smell of thine ointments than all spices!

Look at those tender words.

If you were giving each other attention before, what happened that your attention started becoming scarce? You need to trace it and deal with it.

I found out that people receive internal counsel, thinking by themselves alone without confiding in their spouses. When you confide in your spouse about what you are thinking, you will be delivered on time.

Songs of Solomon 6:3-4
3 I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine: he feedeth among the lilies.

4 Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners.

Companionship is a major plan of the divine for marriage.

Genesis 2:18
18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

If after you had a wife/husband, you feel like staying alone, something is not right.

Whatever makes you feel relieved when your spouse is not around, a major disease is knocking the door.

When you feel like living life without your spouse, something is wrong.

Jezebel means ‘not cohabiting’. Part of witchcraft operation is staying alone.

If you are a woman and you don’t enjoy making life easy for your husband, something is wrong.

There is a beauty factor that a woman brings into a man’s life, there is a strength factor that a man brings into a woman’s life.

Genesis 2:24 (KJV)
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

There are some people who raise their families in the same town where the extended family lives. If that is the case with you, you must be able to draw the line. You cannot leave work everyday and first go visit your father where you use up all your emotions before you get home, and when you eventually get home, everything leads to a quarrel. You must be able to draw the line

I don’t mean that you dishonour your family or your parents. You should honour them but you don’t mix family operations to the detriment of the new family that you are building.

Most times, I found out that couples that have problems with each other, can’t just stop bickering. It is because most times, the husband is tied to his people while the wife is tied to her people that are pulling them in two different directions.

Every husband must know how to make preparations for family members that you are obliged to take care of, that your obligations to your extended family do not destroy the family you are raising.

Whatever standard you set, your children are going to inherit, not only as standards but as spirits that will rule their lives.

How would you be a married man/woman and you finish from work and the place you long to first of all go is to your mother? It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t make scriptures. It may make your emotions but it doesn’t make scriptures. As a man, you finish at work and the first place you are longing to go is your brother’s place, something is wrong. When you don’t enjoy your place, something is wrong.

Whatever makes togetherness not enjoyable between a man and his wife is a symptom that should be addressed on time.

The number one reason for marriage, before procreation, is companionship. So, if the key reason for two people to add strength to strength, to add life to life is not enjoyable, something is wrong.

God’s Reasons for Companionship
1. Togetherness
2. Sharing
3. Adaptability, conforming. You adapt to him, he adapts to you and you are becoming better together.

When God brought two people together, it is so that you have multiplied strength, multiplied grace, and multiplied wisdom.

4. Heading in the same direction together – A journey can be boring if it is you alone.
5. Meshing into one – The devil wants the husband to go in one direction and the wife in another direction and children are smart, they will choose the one that suits them. Children are always the victims.
6. Becoming powerfully one – When you are meshing together, your weakness gives way to the strength of the other person. You give way, the other person gives way and the two of you are a bundle of strength.

Values can change. Somebody’s value can begin to change. Somebody can begin to grow spiritually and the other is not growing spiritually and this will affect how they see life. Somebody may be developing and the other is not. As you get strong in an area, let your spouse develop alongside.

One of the worst things that can happen is for husbands and wives to attend different churches. One received faith pumped into his spirit, the other received fear. One is pulling up, the other is pulling down.

If there is any ill-health in your marriage, the children will be the first victim. The only picture the children must see is Daddy and Mommy as one.

God wants your marriage to be healthy. God wants every marriage to get better.

Learn to respect your spouse’s complaint. If your wife/husband complains about something, what is your normal response? You are different from your spouse. What matters to your spouse may not matter to you, but if your spouse is bringing something up, then courtesy demands that you look critically into it.

Make up your mind that if there would be a sickness in your marriage, it won’t be from you. Make a decision that you are not going to be the sickness in your marriage, you are not going to be the malaise!

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